Starting your new chapter (which means it is time to close the last chapter).
I would love for you to reach out to me and let me know how you went with the tasks I set last week and how you’re feeling.
I’m not going to lie this week is going to be rather painful as it’s all about letting go of the old and starting the new. I know you don’t want to let go, I know you’re running the happy memories through your mind about you and your ex and the love and good times you both shared and this is completely normal and ok after all you’re experiencing a loss and it is normal to grieve that loss.
I am a firm believer that when someone graces your life for a long period of time or even a short period of time we not only take a piece of them however we give them a piece of ourselves but rest assured you are not broken by the piece you’ve given them as you’ve only created a space in your heart for something more fulfilling to fill that void; and we will get to that void in the coming weeks. For now let’s work on closing this chapter.
Your breakup may be completely messy or it may be completely amicable with not much love lost either way I want you to walk away (doesn’t matter who walked away from who) with your head held high and your dignity intact. No abusive messages, no yelling at your now ex partner, no revenge tactics (yes girl put down the knife, we are not slashing anyone’s tyres) and especially no naming and shaming on social media.
Often when we breakup with someone or they breakup with us we feel the need to put them on blast on social media and as much as it feels good at the time and feels like some sliver of justice has been served honestly the only person that looks like a fool is you. By putting someone on blast on social media and calling them out has no purpose and it will always have a negative impact on you and not the other person. I know you’re probably giving this blog a dirty expression right now however just stop for a minute and think about the impact putting someone on blast has in your life. Let’s think about who will be exposed to this “show of hate” online; your family, your ex partners family, your work colleagues, your kids, your friends. No one wants to see that or hear it, leave it for in person conversations with your nearest and dearest because once you put it on the web, you can never take it back. As thumper’s mum said “if you’ve got nothing nice to say then you shouldn’t say nothing at all”.
If you do feel it is necessary to update your socials that you are now flying solo then keep it short and sweet and don’t talk out of emotion rather talk out of facts “Johnny and I are no longer together, I won’t be offering an explanation or a background story as I’m choosing to keep this private and I do not want to talk ill of Johnny as despite what has occurred we shared some really good times together and I value him as a human being. Your privacy is appreciated at this time”.
It is now time to cleanse sis. Yasss get the sage stick out and let’s get rid of that bad energy.
Since we are on the topic of social media it is a good idea to start cleansing your socials of your ex.
-update your relationship status
-remove photos (you don’t have to delete the photos completely, there is an option to archive photos in a special folder on Instagram & Facebook)
-take out their initials from your bio
Don’t wait for them to be the first one to update their relationship status or remove photos of you, take control and be the first after all you are here to gain your lost independence back and it starts now.
If you weren’t living together:
Now it’s time to cleanse your home of their belongings and anything that reminds you of them.
Put everything they own in a box and give them a day and time to come and pick it up from your house and leave it by the front door or around the side of the house. And girl I see you, no damaging of their stuff or ripping up their favourite jersey, let’s not get petty here and let’s do this in a goddess like way.
If you were living together:
I want you to put your big girl pants on and sit down the other partner and have a chat about who stays and who goes. I know you were probably thinking about moving to the spare room or kicking them into the spare room however it won’t work out long term and you will only be able to tolerate having them in your face post heartbreak for so long. So time to bite the bullet and start making moves as to who leaves and who stays. During this chat you will also want to discuss the furniture, who gets what, which pet goes to what person, who is taking on the car repayments etc.
If this conversation can’t be had amicably and it starts to get messy with the “I own this, I brought this, no I did, I invested more into this” I want you to get in contact with a lawyer and gain some legal advice as to what you are entitled to take as yours and what is the right move to make. Girlfriend I know you probably seen the word lawyer and almost choked envisioning the cost etc however most lawyers will give you an initial consultation for free advising you of your options.
I just want to take this moment to say I’m proud of you. I know you’ve got some BIG mountains to tackle this week but I’m already proud of you for getting this far and hanging in there.
You got this my girl and I’m here for you every step of the way. As always I am only a message or email away if you need me more in person.
I am super excited to check in with you next week and see how you went with the tasks I’ve set out until then, stay strong and no slashing tyres (I see you!)
In gratitude & light