Its been a while since I wrote a blog and lately I have had so many reach outs from women in the position I was in a year ago. That position I am referring to is having your world crumble and having your relationship whether that be your partner or your husband/ wife tell you they don’t want to continue with the relationship and before you know it your life is turned on its head and you have no idea what to do or what the next year will look like.
As you read this blog I don’t want you to compare your day one with my day 400. Although my life seems well put together and almost rainbows and butterflies I can tell you I have had my fair share of ups and downs, tears and mental breakdowns in the last year however with each moment that I was hit by a roadblock that flung me on my ass I have never failed to get back up and keep on swinging. And as much as I really wanted to share all of my lows and roadblocks with you all, there have been restrictions as to what I post and share on my socials due to legal factors and the fact that I am being watched and almost everything I post is being pulled apart with a fine tooth comb.
Looking back at the year that was; by far the hardest thing that I had to do was still talk and communicate with the other party and co parent. I think my “breakup” wouldn’t of been as painful and frustrating as it has been if we didn’t have a child together. Having to compromise, agree & bite your tongue when you really want things to be a certain way or a certain routine was hard. There were moments throughout the year where I was being sent pictures and stories from the other parties social media pages of my child eating certain foods or doing certain things and as much as I wanted to pull “mum” rank and try and control what my daughter did at the other parties house, I couldn’t. I didn’t have any power over what she did when she was away from me and that was a struggle for me to let go of.
One of the most soul crushing hurdles I had to endure was seeing the other party move on and fall in love with someone else. It happened a lot sooner than I anticipated and I wasn’t ready for it but in hindsight I don’t think anyone is ever ready to see “your human” with another human and become “their human”.
Another struggle I faced was doing every single minute task alone, from showering Z at the same time as me, cooking her dinner & feeding her, reading her books, doing 4am hospital runs because she was having an asthma attack, Christmas’ & birthdays alone, teaching her how to ride her scooter, grocery shopping and so many more things alone.
And sometimes I just struggled with being alone, after spending every waking second with a partner for the last 9 years and to have them just walk out of your life so suddenly was really hard. Putting my big girl pants on and killing the spiders, flicking the switch for when the power trips, putting air in my tyres when they went flat & sleeping alone when your hearing all of the noises in the dark is hard.
But with the struggles came some serious triumphs! And the best part about the triumphs is that I could be selfish and acknowledge that I not only survived but I soared by myself.
Some of the triumphs for me were simple things like calling up my local chinese store to place a takeaway order, sounds silly right, but for someone that has a serious phobia of talking on the phone it’s kind of a big deal! Catching a flight by myself, getting my first uber solo, getting a tattoo by myself, going to the gym all by myself, going to the movies by myself, eating at a cafe alone, running my very own wellness business with 40+ wellness coaches, mentoring over 70+ women to achieve better health and the most important triumph of all was being a kick ass mum to a headstrong & independant little girl.
I often get asked “How did you grow through it all?” So here is a little list of some of the things that got me through this last year:
- If your going through a divorce or have children together, seek legal advice. There were so many times where I felt backed into a corner and I felt like I had no way up but the legal team that surrounded me helped me in more ways than I could ever explain
- Create a support system of family and friends to help you through, shit gets hard and you don’t need to do it alone, don’t be afraid to ask for help
- Invest in YOU! This is one of the biggest tips I can give. Invest into yourself every day for minimum an hour a day. For me each day I focus on my gratitudes, meditation and exercise
- Practice daily gratitudes, each day I write down 10 things I am grateful for, and if I am having a wall hitting moment I be sure to find at least 3 things from the negative to be grateful about
- Invest into some self development, whether that is a book, podcast or even a seminar you need to invest into your growth
- Get back out there, swipe left and right, go sit at a bar all dolled up and admire and appreciate the beautiful people around you. You don’t have to do anything but at least talk, find some common ground, after all you never know who will walk into your life next and who might share a similar path to your own.
Bring on the next 12 months 🙂