Breaking up with someone or being broken up with is by far one of the hardest thing we go through as humans not only because our lives change dramatically however because of the fact that we need to grieve the loss of that special human in our lives and go through the necessary steps and milestones to heal.
For me I took it hard, 9 years and being with the same man since I was 16, we had only been married for 11 months, we had just brought our first home 6 months prior and our daughter wasn’t even 2 years old yet. I wasn’t prepared for our breakup nor was I ready to let go however these few things that I did really helped me pick myself up and move on with my life so I thought I’d share what’s worked for me.
The most important thing to do is reach out to your friends and family and create a close knit of people around you to support you and keep you busy. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and let everyone know that your not ok and you need their help, you may or may not need their help physically but you will need it emotionally and mentally. For me personally my friends and family have been amazing but my girl gang in my business have been incredible at sending me virtual hugs and sending me messages of love and support. My mentor would come and visit me and bring me gifts and we would hang out together and because of that a real friendship stemmed with an incredible bond.
Take time out to heal. Don’t feel bad to take a step back from things that demand a lot of you, if your not able to sit at your desk and work then talk to your boss and ask for some time off. If you don’t feel like going out to an event or a birthday dinner then don’t, be honest with the host and just take that time to deal with the grief you are experiencing. However don’t hide inside for to long, only give yourself max 2-3 weeks to hide away in your bedroom under the covers then after that its time to shave the legs and leave the house.
Don’t be afraid to get back out there, and I’m not referring to a dating sense, (side note they do say the best way to get over someone is to get under someone, winking face) I’m referring to going out and letting your hair down, get a group of girls or even one close girlfriend and get dressed up and go dance the night away. Go on a speed dating fun night, go out to dinner and have some cocktails. Now that you have allowed yourself those first few weeks to stay at home your not allowed to spend your time at home alone sulking into your pillow.
Be confident to do things solo! Go to the movies alone, trust me you will be surprised how amazing it is to choose your own seat at the movies and to not have to share your popcorn and soda. Go for a road trip to a place that you’ve always wanted to but never gone before and if you have a pet take them with you. Go sit on the beach and feel the sun on your face and the sand between your toes. For me personally I did a few things that I had never done before, I flew alone, got a tattoo, caught my first uber (yes I never caught an uber before, no I don’t live under a rock, stop judging me) and went to a state I had never been to before.
Take care of YOU! Yep that’s right, its now time to be selfish, and more so if you are a mama, you need to put yourself first before your child now more then ever. Go get your hair done, get that mani pedi, enjoy a massage, get your lashes done, palm the little one off to a family member for an hour or two so you can sit and read your favourite book or even just watch some Netflix uninterrupted.
And on the back of taking care of you, you need to start looking after yourself from the inside out. Ensure you are feeding your body with good nutritious food and not so much junk. Don’t get me wrong you will have your days in the first few weeks where you wont want to cook and you’ll binge on fast food and ice-cream or in my case it was chocolate but once those few weeks have passed its time to get back in the kitchen and start cooking for you.
Its also time to start exercising! Chances are that even if you were exercising regularly pre breakup you would of taken a step back post breakup as all those late nights crying yourself to sleep take their toll on your energy. Each day make a pact with yourself to do some form of exercise, it doesn’t have to be weight lifting or running it can simply be going for a walk around your neighbourhood.
Buy a journal and start writing, yep even if your not a writer or cant spell blah blah, it doesn’t matter all that matters is that you stop overanalysing and questioning everything and that you put pen to paper and write everything down that’s circling around in your head. For me I wrote 2 letters, one was for myself and one was for my X. In the letter to myself I cursed every inch of him and I wrote some awful hurtful things about him in that letter and then I burnt it. With the second letter to my X I wrote my true feelings and my true intentions and that I was now ready to let go and ready to close the chapter that we once shared. I also wrote my gratitude to him for the happy moments we shared and all of the firsts that we both had together. The letter I wrote to him was the hardest pieces of literature I had ever written but it needed to be done and once I gave it to him I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders and that I was ready to move on.
Get in touch with your spiritual side. Each morning/night give yourself time before you start your day or before you go to bed to meditate for 10-20 mins and then write 3 things in your journal that you are grateful for (really dig deep with these things). Do some yoga and drink some herbal tea and get regular sunshine.
And lastly be ok with being alone. Being single isn’t the worst thing in the world, its actually refreshing not having to answer to anyone and not having to make plans to suit someone else or having to create meals around someone else’s tastebuds or even having to ask permission to spend money or to go places. You wont be the crazy single cat lady forever so just take things slow and enjoy discovering yourself again.
Its been a few months since my breakup but I still have my moments where I’m sitting in bed with tears rolling down my cheeks wondering what went wrong. However I am so much happier then I once was and I am really enjoying finding my true self and discovering myself all over again. I think there is magic behind the fact that I don’t know where my path will lead me and I don’t know who I will meet next and where I’ll end up but one thing is for sure I know I will be ok 🙂
Much Love – Bek xx