Before I get into this blog I want to acknowledge that there are two sides to every story and this is mine.
This blog will show a very raw and vunerable side to me and I will talk about things that I haven’t openly talked about before so all I ask is please no hate or judgement.
Our love story was a long one however we fell in love within a very short period of time and moved quick. I was a 16 year old that had just been kicked out of home and I was living with strangers in share accomodation and he was an independent 18 year old that had it together. We met at a party and at first I forgot about him until he popped up into my msn chat one day and then we started talking, 3 weeks in he asked me to be his girlfriend and a month after that I moved in with him and his mum.
Things moved quick for us because I was young and naive and I felt safe and secure when I was with him which I hadn’t felt in a very long time.
A few month into our relationship and I was out of town visiting my dad and Aiden was supposed to be working night shift. I woke up at 2am to a call from a friend of ours asking where Aiden and his girlfriend were in which I replied half a sleep and quiet lost “I don’t know where your girlfriend is but I know Aiden is still at work on nightshift”. The friend on the phone told me that his girlfriend was drunk at a party that Aiden was at and Aiden agreed to drive her home and it had been over an hour since they both left together and neither of them were answering their phones. I felt a lump in my throat and I told the friend on the phone I would try to call Aiden to see what was going on. I tried a few times and no answer then I received a text from the friend saying Aiden had just dropped his girlfriend off.
I tried a few more times and half an hour later he finally answered the phone. “Where have you been” I said, “at work” he said. I started crying, and I told him I knew where he had been, he then apologised for lying and said he didn’t mean to. I asked him what they did for an hour since this girl only lived 15 mins away from the party in which he said they drove around locally. A few days later I spoke to the girl and she said they drove to the city, she denied anything happened but still till this day people whisper about that night and what they “know” happened.
Four and a half years into our relationship and it was New Years Eve and we were at a house party with our friends drinking and dancing to bring in the New Year. It was 3am and the party was coming to an end and I couldn’t find Aiden, I searched the backyard, the front yard and downstairs. I walked outside again as I was ready to go home and suddenly he appeared. I looked at him and said “Where have you been” he replied “vomiting upstairs in the toilet”. A friend of mine quickly pulled me to the side and looked me in the eyes and said to me “I really don’t want to tell you this as it will change everything and I love you both but…. I just walked in on Aiden having sex with another friend of ours in the bathroom upstairs”.
I looked at him and I was angry, I just said “is it true?!” He looked at me and said “no I swear”. I punched him straight between the eyes and all of the people around us pulled me off him before I could swing a second time. Aiden ran off and I was a mess I gathered myself together and I walked inside. I sat on the bed and I called the girl he just had sex with as she was nowhere to be seen. She answered the phone and I just said “is it true?” She replied “yes it is and I’m so sorry, you deserve more from me”.
I said “is this the only time you guys have fucked” she said “yes just once, but do you really think I’m the only one?”.
That last sentence hit straight to my core and has stuck with me ever since.
My dad drove an hour to come and get me and he took me back to his house. The next morning he got me lunch and then he drove me to my home where I lived with Aiden. On the couch sat Aiden with a black eye (one of my proudest moments) and he was sobbing and there sat his mum. They sat there silently as my dad tore him a new one and told him to pack his shit and leave.
He left for a few weeks however I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to my best friend. I missed him with every inch of me and I was an absolute mess, I wasn’t eating, I wasn’t working and I even went out clubbing and kissed a stranger but it didn’t feel right.
Aiden would constantly show up at my doorstep crying, begging me to take him back. He would send me flowers, he told me he wouldn’t drink again, he would get fit and stop smoking (I hated smoking), he took me on weekends away, brought me gifts and he went to therapy.
In the weeks that followed we were trying to mend things and another girl came forward that was a mutual friend and someone Aiden went to school with and worked with. She told me that Aiden a few months prior to the cheating Aiden had asked for her number at work and she gave it to him since they were high school friends. They began texting everyday during work hours however he would never message her at night. She then told me he started to cross a line with her, he started saying flirty sexual things and started asking her for naked photos. And at that point she shut him down and told him to stop talking to her as he was crossing a huge line since he had a girlfriend. She told me that he freaked out and said he was sorry and asked that she never tell me as he knew it would upset me.
The interesting thing to this is that I remember distinctly this girl sent him a photo of her sitting in traffic one day and I asked him about it as I didn’t know he was talking to her and he replied saying “I have no idea why she is messaging me, it must be a mistake or for someone else”. And I trusted him and didn’t think anymore of it.
A few years past and therapy really helped him (at least he made me believe it did) and he was the best version I had ever seen of himself. He was fit, happy, healthy, very caring and thoughtful. He also quit smoking before I had Z as he knew I didn’t want smoking around Z. He would also go above and beyond for me and to help me with anything I was struggling with including my mental health.
We started travelling internationally together where he proposed on an island, we had Z, we got married in Fiji and we brought our first home.
Z is now 2 so I was of the understanding that Aiden hadn’t been smoking since she was born however each afternoon he would come home smelling like smoke and I would question him about it and he would say that it was grease or paint or chemicals as he worked with cars. One thing I have learned when trying to catch someone in their lie is that you need hard proof. Therefore I let it go as I knew in the right time he would either tell me face to face or it would come out.
One afternoon I was cleaning out the garage with him and I came across his headphone so I went to put them in his backpack that he takes to work in which he stopped me. He said “you can’t go into my backpack” I said “why?” He replies “I have a present for you” and instantly I knew he was lying. I grabbed the backpack in which I opened it and found cash, cigarettes and a clean shirt in a plastic bag along with deodorant, perfume and chewing gum. He lied and lied that afternoon and tried to tell me that it was cigarettes from 2 years prior to Z and he didn’t even know they were in his backpack. Finally after sitting there for an hour calling his bullshit he admitted he had been smoking for a few months but knowing him he probably never quit.
Again I forgave him and we agreed he would smoke at work and not bring it home and I didn’t want to see it or smell it.
A month later on May 30th at 6pm I was about to head into the shower however I had to tell Aiden something. I walked around the corner and I seen him on his phone in the pantry messaging someone, “Aiden I thought we agreed no phones between 5-7pm?! Who are you messaging?” He replies “no one I’m on instagram” as he is getting flustered trying to close the Snapchat application on his phone. My heart sunk into my stomach and I couldn’t breathe, I knew where this was heading. I grabbed his phone and looked him in the eyes and said “you have one chance to tell the truth”, he looked at me and said “I am telling the truth I was on Instagram scrolling”. I looked at the phone and he was on Snapchat messaging the new female apprentice that just started at his work a week earlier. His notifications were turned off and his phone was on silent so I wouldn’t hear or see any messages. I was devastated.
I reached out to this girl and asked her if anything was happening between them and she swears nothing happened however I knew if I didn’t catch him hiding in our pantry at 6pm at night messaging this girl then something would of happened given his track record.
I told him to get his shit and leave.
He took a bag with him and left. He came back a few nights later to see Z and I asked him if he would consider moving back home and living in our spare room as I was having trouble sleeping alone at night with my anxiety (I’m afraid of the dark) and that way he would still see Z every morning and night. He declined and said he liked being alone and independent, he did however agree to therapy.
We did 3 sessions of therapy and the therapist asked both of us if we wanted to try and fix our marriage for the sake of our child. I put my hand up straight away and said yes he however took his time to say yes but he got there in the end. We walked out of the therapy session and he looked at me and said “I don’t think I want to do this anymore”. I was shattered.
Later that night we met my mum for dinner as she had Z and he agreed to come so he could spend time with Z as he wasn’t seeing her often. It was the witching hour so Z was rather cranky and within 15 mins of him seeing Z she threw a tantrum and he lost it at the dinner table and started to become really aggressive. My mum sat at the table looking across at me and I could read her eyes saying “who is this man? Who has he become?” We all ate quickly and he left.
In the days that followed I would talk on the phone with him and he was so aggressive and would tell me he didn’t know when he would see Z or be able to have her.
At that point we still had joint accounts and he would threaten to take all of the money and blow it on whatever he chose. He started draining the account with takeaway purchases and getting cash out and wouldn’t tell me what the cash was for.
I got myself together and separated my accounts from him and was able to take half of the savings before he left me with nothing.
9 years I was with him and for those 9 years I was loyal, truthful and faithful. I stood by his side through thick and thin and only wanted to support him and love him. However I’ll be dammed if I endure another 9 years of his bullshit! I will be forever grateful that he chose to walk away as I would still be with someone that didn’t respect me enough to be truthful and loyal to me.
Sometimes you need to draw the line in the sand and know your worth and respect yourself enough to walk away and choose better ❤️