Christmas Eve 2015 we found out I was pregnant with our first baby who we affectionately named “lentil”.
“Congratulations” the female doctor said to Aiden and I after she read the blood test results “You are pregnant”. We were suddenly filled with so much joy and our hearts literally swelled. “When was your last pap smear” asked the female doctor, “Not for at least 2 years” I replied. The doctor then asked me to hop on the bed so she could undertake a pap smear on me. So I layed on the bed and she inserted the swab and then when she pulled it out she showed me there was blood on the swab, she then looked at me with a sheepish face and said “You will miscarriage soon”. We literally went from cloud 9 to ground 0 hell. “What?! What do you mean, you just said we were pregnant?!” Aiden said to the doctor. She replied “There is blood on your cervix which means you will miscarriage”. “What?! When will I miscarriage” I said as I tried to hold back my tears. “Im not sure but soon” the doctor replied. We got our things and left, our car ride home was filled with a lot of tears and complete shock.
A week later our usual doctor was back from his holidays so we booked an apt to go and see him. We walked into his office and I started crying as I explained to him what the female doctor had said to us and the little to no information she gave us about the situation and my possible miscarriage. My doctor read the notes and called the other female doctor and got some further information from her. My doctor then explained to us that there was bleeding on my cervix however the cervix was closed therefore the miscarriage hadn’t occurred yet and there was still hope. He classed my miscarriage as a “threatened abortion” explaining to me that I need to rest and take things very easy and I couldn’t train until further notice, he then scheduled more blood work and a dating scan.
A few days later I went to my ultrasound apt and It was confirmed that I was very early stages pregnant maybe 5 weeks and there was in fact a sac for the baby however it was to early to see anything in this sac, it was disappointing to not be able to see anything in the sac but we kept hope. The blood work came back and my HCG levels had increased however not doubled, which wasn’t the best of signs however our doctor still kept us hopeful. He re iterated to me that I was to only undertake light duties and if I started to bleed at all to call him immediately and he would see me in a months time for another ultrasound and some more blood work.
A month later we went for another ultrasound and this time there were parts of lentil in the sac that we could see such as the pole, however it was to early to see a heartbeat which I was really hoping for. After my ultrasound I went to my doctor and we checked my blood work. My HCG was increasing however it wasn’t by much, it should of at least tripled since the last blood test however it had barely just doubled. Again I was told to watch out for symptoms and come back in a month.
4pm the next day at work I went to the toilet and when I wiped I noticed that there was brown discharge on the toilet paper, panic set in immediately. I went home and Aiden and I called the doctor, he asked we keep an eye on the discharge and call him back if it became more heavier or turned red.
The following afternoon I noticed that the discharge started to turn pink so we called the doctor and he asked that we pick up a referral letter from him and head straight to the hospital to get an emergency ultrasound and some more blood tests done. After picking up the referral we headed to the hospital and were quickly seen, bloods were taken and then we were asked to stay and wait a few hours for the results. There were no ultrasound machines available so we just had to go off my blood work for news on what was happening to lentil. It was 10pm and the results finally came back in and my HCG levels came back very high, the young doctor on told us this was a good sign and we had nothing to worry about and to go home and get some rest.
A week later and it was Australia Day 2016 and my discharge re appeared and this time it was a darker pink then normal. We quickly rushed to the hospital and again more bloods were taken and we were told to sit and wait for an internal examination and an ultrasound. The nurse took me into a room and did an internal, there was a fair bit of blood present however she confirmed that my cervix was still closed which meant no miscarriage had occurred yet. The bloods came back and my HCG hadn’t doubled since the last blood test at the hospital however it was still on the rise. With no ultrasound in sight we were given a referral to come back in a weeks time to have an ultrasound done and more blood work taken. We still kept hope.
4am I woke to a sharp stabbing pain in my tummy so I got up and ran to the toilet, as I sat down on the toilet I felt this almighty pull from my body and suddenly I felt something fall out of me and I heard a “plop” in the toilet water below. I screamed. Aiden jumped out of bed and ran over to me and he turned on the light and knelt down beside me, at this stage I was a sobbing mess as I couldn’t bare to look what was in the toilet water below me. I started to wipe and all I could see was blood, dark red blood everywhere. Aiden helped me clean myself up and we called the hospital, they booked me in the next day for an ultrasound and told me to wear a pad until the bleeding eased. That day was a terrifying day that I would never forget.
The next day at 9am we went to the hospital and we were taken into the ultrasound room by an older lady, she then started the ultrasound. She confirmed what we already knew, we had miscarried and lentil was no longer living inside of me. She explained to us that the odds for miscarriage is very high in first pregnancies and that 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage. She assured me that this was not my fault in any way and lentil simply decided that this home wasn’t suitable and lentil thought it was best to vacate the premises. She was such a beautiful soul and she made the ultrasound more bearable however I will never forget the moment after the ultrasound and we were sitting in the waiting room waiting for our scans I looked at Aiden and he had tear welling in his eyes. This time it wasn’t meant for us.
The next morning I was booked in for a D&C, a surgery to remove the last remnants of lentil and to scrape my uterus clean.
9 weeks later and we found out that we were 7 weeks pregnant with Zephaniah much to our surprise as we definitely weren’t trying to conceive again anytime soon. Finding out we were pregnant again was a bit scary in the beginning as we didn’t want to get to excited to soon in case this ordeal would occur again however once we let go of our fears we then enjoyed the pregnancy and embraced it.
1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage and it is no fault of anyone’s especially not the mums, its just natures way of saying that its not meant to be this time. This blog was written to help raise awareness on this topic and to show support to all the mums out there that have lost their little lentils.